she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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