Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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