Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
