For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
