i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
