hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
