I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I will pee on everything he values.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
