Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
