I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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