so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
