I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
