operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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