I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
