I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
