Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
