yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do herpes really smell.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
