Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
