I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
