Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
