some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
