is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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