o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
