I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
