it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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