what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
