it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
