i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
