Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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