So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
