And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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