i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
