Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
