I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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