if i can run in heels then i can drive
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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