Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry my hands just texted you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
