So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
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