I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
