Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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