Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's blow job season.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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