Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
