Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
