She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
