If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
