my sisters under your porch take her home
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
