Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
