theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
