Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
