I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
