I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
