Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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