There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
