Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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